Sighs of relief.

I was so excited this weekend. For the first time in years, I would be playing music with a worship team, and even having the privilege of leading a song.

And then I woke up Saturday morning. I could hardly talk. MAN. Seriously? So Jay and I googled ways to get raspy voices doctored back to normal. I didn't talk at all on Saturday. That is, until Saturday night when I just got so bored of not talking. Did you know how much talking is so vital and important? It takes a lot of patience and work to communicate with no voice.

So. No talking. Lots of tea and honey with lemon, ricola, water, and ibuprofen (I learned from a trusted musician source that it could help).

So there we were (almost) all day, our friends Billa, and Cyle and Caleb (who came up from Fondy) got to spend all day with us. Man, oh man, was it a riot. Billa did a great job of helping the guys decipher what I was trying to say with my charade motions, and we had a few laughs (though mine were mainly silent) along the way.

Here are a couple pictures from our apple orchard excursion:

 The girls.

 A classic.

 The temporarily crippled Cyle trying to hop the rope.

I was grumpy in this photo because everyone was eating apples. And they shouldn't have.

At any rate, my voice improved and I was hopeful that by the next morning, I would be back in business. Hardly able to contain my excitement, I fell asleep Saturday night, in extreme anticipation of being a part of a worship ministry again.

Three a.m. rolls around. I wake up. I sit there, for what seems like FOREVER, but of course it's only a half hour later. I could not for the life of me fall back asleep! Which was sort of stinky because I knew I needed it. But in an attempt to not wake up Jay, I left the room and watched some movie with Michael J. Fox on OWN. Not exactly the best way to spend my time, but I was too tired to do anything else. Except fall asleep.

And then the time finally rolled around! EEK! Yippee! So I made it to the church for practice. But something was off.

Lights flickering, on and off, power going, beeps coming from the electrical units all over. Yep. The church lost power just moments before everyone arrived. And it wasn't seeming to come back on. Meanwhile, time is ticking and we were trying to figure out a backup plan just in case the lights didn't even turn on. We found flood lights and created a cool, intimate atmosphere.

Naturally, being in a huge room, with some guitars and a beautiful grand piano, and no microphones, I couldn't hear anything when I played. So I tried playing softly but it was still hard. Figuring that God meets us anywhere, that we would just figure it out and God would move through the worship.

Then. 8:20 rolls around. (1st service starts at 9) Power goes on, everything starts working. We figure, hey, if the power goes off again we are set, but might as well use it. So with less than 20 minutes to practice a whole set list with musicians I had never played with, we rocked it out. Service began and it went awesome!

Can I just say, I felt alive with that piano. With the other musicians, hearing the congregation singing along. I could hardly contain what was inside of me! That is what I was made for. That is what we were all made for. To give glory to our Creator. Even in times of discomfort and struggle. And man, times are uncomfortable and difficult right now. A few weeks ago I was not giving God glory. Things sucked. At least, I made them seem that way. With what I have learned in the past three weeks, I feel so different. I feel like I am regaining who I once was, back again.

Ahhhhhhhhhh. :) Sighs of relief.

So you think you have it all figured out, huh?

Yeah. I did too.

It flopped in my face. Like a big, fat, whale fin, slapping me in my face screaming, "Na na na na booo boo, you have no idea!!! Neenerr neeener neeeeeener!"

All my life, I figured teaching was my gig. I, Meladie Stark, was (may likely still be...no one knows at this point) going to be a teacher. And it was my calling. And it was my purpose. But also, worship was/is my calling. And also maybe my purpose. So five and a half years in school, BIG, FAT, BUTT loads of money later, I'm scared that things may be changing.

I sort of forgot about the worship thing. I missed it terribly, and look back at my times being a worship leader with reverence and nostalgia. Remembering it as the time when I felt like I was flourishing, like I was doing what I was supposed to do.

I also felt that way when I did my student teaching. Well, during most of it, anyway. So, Jay and I hung out in Fond du Lac, until I finished my Education Degree, so that we could move up to Minnesota, and find the teaching job of my dreams. Jay would find a Starbucks where he could pursue being a Starbucks manager. There in Minnesota, we would be happy. There in Minnesota, presumably in a couple months, we would have our own home, we would have our own life established. Oh, and we would have loads of friends by our side, having cool patio parties, laughing and smiling as we watch the sunset on a beautiful day.

BAH. HA. HA. HA.

Naturally, that sounds amazing. Naturally, we would want that to happen. Looking at that idea now, it almost makes me sick it's so happy. Like, when you watch romance movies and it's so flippin' sappy it makes you sick. Sort of like Edward and Bella. Sorry, but yeah, I just referenced Twilight. And yeah, I just referenced the fact that it makes me want to puke now and then. (But you can bet I'll be one of those sillies who goes to see it still in theatres. Don't judge me.)

Well, here we are, almost 8 months later, still living with in-laws, still jobless (on my part), and Jay just found out that he is forced to be demoted, resulting in a pay-cut. Oh and we are already broke. Anyway, this isn't a blog post about the frustrations of being in the negative, or hoping someone will take pity on us. We know and trust that God will bring us through this time, just as He does every other time. But, this is all a part of describing how our plan flopped in our faces.

So. Here we are, 8 months later, jobless and/or broke to the bone. No friends. Yes, we have family and we are gratetful for them beyond words, but I think we can all agree having friends makes the world of a difference in your life (Minus my dear friend Allison, don't want to exaggerate, here! And our friend Billa!) We still live with in-laws. We've lived with parents for a total of one year now. And up till a couple of weeks ago, we seriously considered moving back to Fond du Lac.

Not because we like the area, because we don't (sorry everyone over there, it just isn't the place for us!). Sure, we know people there which would be comforting and fun, but moving because of a couple friends isn't necessarily legit.  But we considered it. We were getting fed up with our unsuccessful ventures here in Minnesota. Jay and I discussed the idea, and I said, "Look. We've been going to this church for a few months, and we really haven't tried putting our feet out in the water to try and make friends. Let's try a little harder and see how it goes."

So we tried. I tried attending a young women's craft night. Jay contacted some guys in the young couples group (the young women's craft night is a part of the young couples group), and while I don't think the craft night was a huge success, it was a step in the right direction. Same with Jay. Two Sundays later, we actually had some of them approach us after the church service. THAT, my friends, was awesome.

Not to mention, the week after my craft night adventure, I contacted the Worship Director, in hopes of getting involved in the worship ministry. Since I love and miss being a part of a worship team.  I met with him that week, and YAY! I am a part of the team!

Alright! So Jay and I are beginning to see strides of improvement and success. Then....

BAM! It hits us like a ton of bricks. That was the weekend that Jay found out he had to step down as shift supervisor, and go back to being a barista. A pay cut, a set back for sure.  Then....

BAM! We are hit with another ton of bricks. I am (almost) offered a position as an interim worship leader. A job, no less, in my passion field of worship. I won't go in to details about the position, because I don't know where that is going quite yet.

So confusion sets in. More confusion continues to set in after we go to a great bonfire at the worship director's home. We had some amazing talks. And I realize, that yes, I love teaching, and yes, I love worship. So which one do I pursue? Of course, I can pursue both. But maybe not in the way I have always envisioned. Anyone else see the correlation between teaching and worship leading? They go hand in hand. This worship director is all gun-hoe in helping me further a ministry career in worship leading. He wants to get me there, if that's what I want to do! So now, the prayer phase begins.

And then more confusion sets in. After a long discussion about how being happy in life really revolves around finding out what you love to do, and pursuing it. So, the worship director asks Jay, "So, what do you love to do?" That is when Jay responds, "...I don't know." So another prayer phase begins.

Neither of us really know what we want to do. I've always known. At least, I thought I did. We have ideas on what we both want to do with our lives, but we are thinking it's a little different (or a lot different) than what we thought we wanted.

So, we've thrown away our plan. We have no idea what will happen next, but will follow what we think God is leading us to. Let me tell you, since we've thrown away our plan, we've seen so many things begin to brew.

And this is where we need you, fellow readers. We are praying steadfast for God's guidance and direction, and will in our lives. We need your prayers, too! We are excited, finally excited about what is next! We have NO idea what that is, which is scary and won't be easy, but you know what, we have the best Guide in our life we could possibly hope for. Our lives are taken care of. Amen.

I'm a klutz.

Yep! That's me! Mrs. Klutz-O.

I don't know why but the past couple weeks I find myself breaking things. Or scratching new cars. Or breaking favorite glasses. It's not like I try, I just end up breaking things.

It's eating at me more than it should. It's like I can't forgive myself for damaging these material things. Now every time I park my car I will park it far away from the imperfect vehicle. Every time I pick a cup to drink out of I will pick something plastic and old. What's next?  What else will I stress out over?

Bah. Something new I apparently need to work on. Just in case working on the jealousy and frustration of not having my will be done wasn't enough.

Yeah, I'm feeling overloaded and I am not really sure on how to start battling it all.

Although, I have begun to see progress. Just today there is a friend that I envy so much, you see, she has my dream job. Perfect age group to teach, and in a public school. That's what I want! And today she posted a status that made me get that pang of jealousy.

Yowch. I said to myself. And then I remembered...Hey, you. This is something you're trying to work on. You would hope your friends would be happy for you. So I thought about it, and I actually began feeling happy for my friend. I am so proud of her! She has accomplished her dream. And someday, I will too. God has that all mapped out already.



In other news I went out of my comfort zone and went to a young women's craft night that a group of women try to hold every month or so. I didn't know anyone there, I just went on the faith that I would find a way to converse with them and have a good time.

I did have a good time! I'm not saying I was 100% comfortable to be myself, but it was nice. I don't know if I'll be establishing relationships with them, I hope to, but I can't count on that. But I am proud of myself for stepping out there and doing that!

I also contacted the worship leader at this church we have been going to. I meet with him at the church next week! I am hoping to get involved and maybe make new friends! I miss leading worship, or being involved in leading worship. The lack of worship ministry has definitely impacted me spiritually.

I'm still apprehensive about everything here, but God certainly has a plan. Jay has been working on a business idea with his Mom and StepDad, and just recently some new exciting news has come out of that. The business has been quiet for a while, and then this past week (when I was getting way more discouraged than as of late), this new exciting news happened! That can't be an accident :)

And that's all for tonight, world. It's time for this tired woman to go to sleep.