Returning to Me

I had the morning off, so I took a nap and rode into town to check out the cute old-time shopping area nearby the ranch.

On my way there the radio was on, and while I usually turn it off to drive in silence (that only started in early 2011), I let it run for a little bit. The music began to lift my spirits! I forgot how much music can enlighten your day. Amazing, how God created your brain and aspects of music can really effect your mood.

Though I have played music in the past year or so, I've been ignoring it completely...which is so not me.

I feel myself slowly returning back into the upbeat, positive, music loving person I was, and it feels good.

After working with so many babies and 4 year olds at once, I began despising working with kids. I forgot how much of a joy they can be. I knew I couldn't give up on kids because I have a passion to work with them. So I stuck with subbing, in hopes of falling in love with children again.  There would be small moments every so rarely that I would feel that again, and I needed something different. I decided to pursue nannying in hopes that working one on one (or close to it) would help me remember why I loved working with kids. This job that I've taken has shown me the joy I can have when working with kids. I love my line of work again. These kids have shown me, this family has shown me, that I can love my work again. I was made to teach kids, even if it's not in a classroom setting.

When my husband asks me how my day was, I am consistently responding with, "It was great!" or "I had a fun day!", or something like that. That's what I've been hoping for in a job. That's who I used to be.

I used to love music, love kids, be positive even in rough times, enjoy the next work day, and love life. I lost that for a long time. And it's coming back, I am back. You have NO idea, how much joy I feel in my heart.

I am returning to me.

Learning the Ways of Floridian Life

Well, it's my second week of living in Tampa.

I love love LOVE it.

It's such a blessing to be finished with work and feel....uh...good about the day. It's such a blessing to be finished with work and look forward to the next day.

Maybe I'm in the "honeymoon"phase. But from what I can tell, the atmosphere of the home and the other people that have been around for years still love their job. So I see myself loving this job for years to come. Thank you, God, for this beautiful, wonderful, fantastic job. I couldn't have hoped for something this wonderful. I work for an amazing family, and with amazing people. I see your hands molding this job, and how you put this into place for me.

I think about my life without knowing these people and it seems wrong. I feel like this family, and these people were supposed to come into my life, or rather, I was supposed to enter theirs.

The only void? My husband. But, he'll be here soon enough. :) And before that I get to see places in America that I've never seen! So I feel like I am seeing the world this summer. I  am so looking forward to it! And the breaks I get this summer are very generous so I'll get to see him quite a bit. :)



I've been learning my way around this area in Tampa, too! I'm learning pretty quick, which is fun...but mostly I'm learning my way around it because I keep getting lost! Haha....


What else...I'm still pretty pale. Waiting for a time to go get a suntan! My legs are pretty scary to people here (not that they'd admit it), but oh man are they white! We go inside and outside quite a bit, but we are never outside for too long and if we are, I'm lathered up in 50spf sunscreen, which is probably a good thing :)

So, there's a Florida update. I'm loving it here. I was talking to my parents tonight on the phone, and my Dad asked me if I worked today...and I said, "nope! I even worked longer today than I was scheduled for!"...he commented on how happy I sounded. Let me tell you, months ago, I would have never sounded that happy after a long day at work. It's nice to see and feel the difference, the difference of enjoying your job vs. hating it.  :)

I'm still in the market for a church, so if y'all could keep that in your thoughts and prayers that would be great. Jay and I are hoping for a church we can get plugged into! It might be awhile since I won't be in Florida for the next two months or so (due to travel), but I know God has one out there for us!

Another New Beginning

All this week I've been working on packing my bags, and going to good-will, getting rid of things we really don't need for our big move to Florida.

Jay won't be moving for another 3 months or so, but I figured we might as well get a head start with some of the packing. That way he doesn't have to do it all by himself.

Pretty much all I brought with me on "my" move to Florida are my clothes and things that I use to get ready with. Since my living situation is worked out for now, I didn't need to worry about things like furniture, bedding, towels, dishes, kitchen things, and all that good stuff that comes with an apartment. I've got that all taken care of. When Jay moves down in 3 months or so, we will get all of our belongings down here for our new apartment. I even left some clothes and shoes I knew I wouldn't be wearing through the course of the next few months because I had a hard time fitting everything in my four bags :)

So here I sit, in my "apartment" for the next month or so (before the family and I go on the big vacay), listening to the sound of the rumbling thunder and raindrops hitting the roof. It's beautiful. And I feel peace, I feel at home, and I feel comfortable. Sure, I wish Jay could be here with me, but he will be here soon enough. And the cool thing is that during the big vacation I get 2 and a half weeks off (total, separated in to two breaks), where I will be flown to Minneapolis to be with Jay. So even though we are apart for a few months, we get good chunks of time together. I appreciate so much that this family who hardly knows me values my marriage with my husband. This family is full of good people, and I feel honored to work for them.

So I've had the day to run errands, and get unpacked (haven't unpacked yet, I've been so busy these past few weeks that I just kinda plopped down and haven't been productive since I got back from my errands). The family is out of town but will be back tomorrow, so I have till noon tomorrow as well, to get settled in and take it easy. I'm excited for their return, I have missed those two little boys! I heard that the oldest (3 years) was telling people about his new nanny, Meladie :)

Until today, it wasn't really hitting me, the magnitude of this life change. While I was out running errands (light groceries, dinner, and things I needed that I didn't bring from MN) I accidentally took a wrong turn and ended up driving towards St. Petersburg. I figured that out when I somehow ended up on Gandy Bridge (a bridge connecting Old Tampa Bay and St. Petersburg). After crossing the rather lengthy bridge, I was able to turn around and head back in the right direction. On my way back over the bridge I took a look at my surroundings (while completely paying attention to the road haha). I was in FLORIDA! To stay! It's beautiful! I got giddy with excitement and couldn't stop smiling. I just know that this is what God wants us to be doing. Florida is where we are to be, and where Jay will join me in just 3 months. I am so excited to see this adventure unfold! I can't believe that just over a month ago, I had NO idea that Florida would be in our future. Here I am, today, sitting in a future that I didn't know I would have. Jay and I figured we would end up in Florida, we just didn't know when. Funny how God throws things at you.

The past 2 years have been difficult. I'm not saying it will be easy from here. But I finally feel peace about where our life is heading. I feel excited, I feel good, I feel encouraged. Deciding to put teaching on hold (temporary or for good, I'm not sure but I know God has it under control!), was the best decision I could have made for our life right now. It was a difficult decision to make, but it put my heart at ease and I feel relieved. I can now see, looking back, how God orchestrated the last year and a half to make it so that when I saw this opportunity, I saw it as MY opportunity. :)

You never know what's coming your way! Sometimes it's a challenge, sometimes it's enlightening. You just have to take whatever comes your way and deal with it no matter what it is! God knows what he's doing. :)

I am Starkstruck.

I still find that I fall in love you more and more everyday. And just when I think I couldn't possibly love you any more, I do.

Jay Stark, you are the love of my life! God couldn't have brought a better man in my life for me than you. You're loving, selfless, caring, thoughtful, funny, quirky, gentle, wise. The list goes on and on. I'm excited to continue our story and our life together until our time on Earth ends. I'm so glad that I get to grow old with you.

The Cat’s Out of the Bag!

Alright, so some of you may have been watching on facebook, and most of you probably haven’t, which is just as fine!

If you follow me on this blog you’ll notice it’s been quite a long time since I’ve posted one. I’m not so great at the whole blogging thing. Oh well.

Well, here I am, blogging to you today because something rather LARGE has happened.

Many of you know already that I’ve been pursuing jobs in nannying, and many of you also know that Jay and I have been thinking about our future, and how we feel that it will lie in Florida.

Well. I applied for a full-time nanny position in Tampa, Florida. And guess what? I got the job! Assuming my trial period goes well. And I’m thinking positive about that because this family is a really great family and I get along with them well. And their little boys? A.Dor.Able. They fun, full of energy, smart, and a blast to be with! They stole my heart in a matter of a day and a half.

*WOAH, Back up, did you just say FLORIDA, Mel?*

Why, yes I did. Seems random? Probably. Seems sudden? It is. I’m writing this blog post because I want to answer the many questions that are probably arising. Because the other major part of this is, Jay and I will be living in separate states for a year, or at least for a few months. That part isn’t so cool, but we both feel and have felt that God has given us this opportunity and that we are to take it. We started long distance, so we know how it works. Yes, we know we are married now and that changes how the long distance relationship would feel. Just keep reading.

So I’ve created this list of “Frequently Asked Questions”. I’m assuming these are the questions I’d be getting.    :D

Q: Why Florida?
A: Jay and I have felt a pull to Florida for a year now. We had a feeling that God would lead us to Florida in the future. Granted, we didn’t think Florida would be in our midst right now, but God is always full of surprises, isn’t He? :) As far as a reason beyond that? When we vacationed to Florida with some great friends south of Orlando a little more than a year ago, we felt at home. We loved the area, and the people. Believe it or not, we seriously considered staying there, and not moving to Minneapolis first. But, alas, God did have a plan for us in Minneapolis, even if it was a short while. And looking back, we both see how God has orchestrated this to happen. Don’t like my answer? Too bad. :-P

Q: Are you and Jay okay?
A: Some of you may be confused as to why Jay and I will be living separately for a year, or at least for a few months. To clear the air, YES, we are doing more than okay. In fact I feel we are stronger than ever before, and in love more than ever before. The thought of living separately stinks big-time, and we know it will be a challenge. We also have seen couples that have to be separated for a year or more (like families where one of the parents is in the army). They survive. In fact, their love seems to grow and flourish. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? I think so. I don’t want to compare this to an army family, I think their situation is much different, but the comparable thing is that they are living separately for a while. And, unlike army families who don’t get to communicate all that often, Jay and I will have the wonders of Skype every evening. We’ve even planned some dates to Starbucks and Applebee’s, you know, places with Wi-Fi? That way we can both go to the place and both order something and enjoy it together. Not the same I know, but it’s something :) I also imagine that with this particular situation, we will work out visits here and there. So, I’ll see him from time to time. And guess what? It’s just a year. We can do it, and it will be over in a flash!

Q: What happens when the year is over?
A: Jay will join me in Florida and we can continue our lives together! We really feel that Florida is where God is leading us. He has peace about this situation, and I have peace about this situation. And considering how big and fast of a change this will be for us, it’s amazing we have any peace at all!

Q: What family are you nannying for?
A: A family of four. Mom, Dad, and two little boys. I would give more information, but until I understand the amounts of confidentiality they may ask for, I will keep specifics quiet. And if they want complete confidentiality, they will get it. All you need to know is that they are a good family, with good morals and ethics. They are so amazing! It is an incredible honor to be considered like this as their nanny.

Q: Are you sure you want to do this?
A: YES! Jay and I are ecstatic and excited about this opportunity. We understand it’s a big change, we understand it seems sudden, but we trust that God is using this situation to bless us and take us to where He wants us to be.

Q: I thought you wanted to be a teacher?
A: Yes. I do. However, subbing this last year has taught me something I would have never learned in Student Teaching, or in my dreams. You see, in my dreams teaching looks so different. In my dreams teaching is a glorious job, where we are appreciated for what we do, where the children are respectful to their elders, where even in a busy lifestyle like a teacher, that I would have low stress levels. I’ve found over the past year that I am a high anxiety person. Teaching? Only seems to increase that anxiety. While I was student teaching, I always had the “true” person in charge to help me. The teacher. I’ve realized over this past year that teaching is much different than I had hoped, and yes, that’s not exactly what I was hoping to realize. I LOVE working with kids. I love working on them in MUCH smaller ratios. I feel that’s where I can truly utilize my gifts, knowledge, and talents. I feel that’s where I can truly get to know the child I am teaching and really see them grow as an individual. Nannying provides me with that one-on-one, or one-on-two work with children. I can watch them grow, laugh with them, play with them, and truly feel like my talents aren’t being wasted. It’s heartbreaking to work in a class of 30 and be the only teacher during math time and not having enough time to help everyone get up to speed. It’s so hard. And I commend teachers that have those gifts. It’s not easy. And you know what, maybe someday I will get there! I’m young. But for now, I feel God has brought me to nannying for a purpose. And I can’t wait to see it unfold!

What else...hmmmm...I can’t think of any other “Frequently Asked Questions”....if you think of any let me know! :D



Well! That will be all for now. I hope you can all see that Jay and I are excited and that we feel this is the right step for us. We know and trust that God is working through this, and that this isn’t something we created.

So. Now you know. :) We can't wait!!!

I must really be something special...

I opened up my devotional book and today's message really struck me. And I thought I would share it:

February 15 (Numbers 3:1-39)

"I invite you to come close to me."

"Anyone other than a priest or LEvite who went too near the sanctuary was to be put to death."  Numbers 3:38

"Did you receive your invitation today? Maybe a better question would be, Did you know Someone sent you one? It's nice to be remembered and welcomed by someone. But when that person is Almighty God, the Commander of Earth and Heaven, the value of a daily invitation can't be measured.

He didn't always let people come close to Him. During Old Testament days, only the high priest was allowed to enter the Tabernacle's Most Holy Place, and only once a year. Commoners weren't allowed near such sacred ground under penalty of death.

However, Jesus' death on our behalf changed that, and we live in the age of grace and warm welcomes from God. Not only does he tolerate us, but he cherishes time with us.

He craves time with us. How many of us crave time with Him? Sure, we get warm feelings whenever we choose to "bless" him with our presence. Even with the best of intentions to make Him our number-one priority, we still get distracted by the all-important items on our agendas. As if He doesn't have a to-do list longer than we could fathom! He doesn't need our time, but He wants it. And He knows we need that time with Him.

Today, spend a few moments sharing your heart and quieting your spirit with Him. That time is sacred, something people thousands of years ago couldn't enjoy. Yet it's yours any time you want it.

Will you respond to His invitation and join Him?"

-This excerpt belongs to: The Daily God Book: A Year of Listening For God by Erin Keeley Marshall-




Wow. I realized that sometimes (more often than not) I have that attitude, of, I guess I can grace my Father with my presence. As if I'm something really special. Okay, I know I'm special, but when that attitude of "I'm going to grace the Lord with my presence" comes out it's really not an attractive quality...

Truth be told, I may have that attitude sometimes, but I really don't intend for that to come across. Truth be told, I do want to bask in my Father's presence, to be moved by Him, to give Him glory He deserves, but I get so caught up in my life that I rarely take the time to do that.

And then I selfishly thought...why does he "deserve" my time? That doesn't sound cool to me. And then I thought about the reading I read today..."He didn't always let people come close to Him. During Old Testament days, only the high priest was allowed to enter the Tabernacle's Most Holy Place, and only once a year...Jesus' death on OUR behalf changed that..."

So wait. Why did God send His one and only son to die for US? Because of our sin.

Wait. What? So God sent HIS son to die for OUR sin. That hardly seems fair. God sent His son to die to save us from our sin that He has nothing to do with?

The answer is yes.

Our God is a Holy, Sovereign, Forgiving God. He is also Jealous. He created us, and had the nerve to give us free will, knowing what that might mean. I then wondered, "Why did God give us free will, if He knew we might stray from Him, especially when He created us for Him?" And then it hit me. Would it be fulfilling to have someone love you, when you made them love you? God gave us free will because He wants us to love Him on our own decision. It wouldn't be a fulfilling love for Him if he made us without free will, knowing that we love Him only because He made us that way. He wants us to love Him because we choose to love Him.

Oh man. So all of this is hitting me this morning, and all I can think is, "I am truly loved. Inside, and out. My sins bare all, and He still loves ME." It's truly baffling. I felt like I needed to share this with all of you who choose to read this...because maybe, just maybe you'll have the same revelations and wow-factors after reading this.

It's amazing that even though I've come to the idea that I am loved by God hundreds of times, and come to the idea that God loves us beyond our sin, and sent His son to die for our sins, but each revelation brings me into a deeper understanding of God's love for me/us. And while I grow deeper in this Love that I am slowly understanding, I feel at the same time that there is no way I will ever truly understand God's love for me/us.

God's love is crazy. Impossible. Nuts. But I am so glad that I have His love. Aren't you? :)

Fable Realizations

So, I stayed up last night playing video games.

What? Yep. I said video games. I have recently been sucked into Fable. I beat Fable II and now I'm on Fable III, this time, with no help from my husband...because I'm just awesome like that (He pretty much helped me beat the whole game in Fable II).

Anyway. I'm not here to brag about my awesome gaming skillz. Or...make me look like a loser... :-P

I was playing video games and got this overwhelming sense of guilt. You see, I've been playing this game almost religiously. And I'm embarrassed to say that I've probably played about 2 hours a day...at least. That's a LOT of time in my day.

Topic switch. I have not been attempting to give my God any time at all throughout my days. To be honest, I don't want to. I used to love giving Him time everyday, and then somehow I lost interest. Probably because I didn't feel that the time with Him was worth it. I didn't "get anything" out of it. There was a time, however, that I did. I craved His Word daily, I craved talking to Him. I miss those days, when I felt so "filled". And when I began feeling "un-filled", I stopped.

Back to video games. So last night when I began feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt, I realized how much time I was giving to video games. And how much time I was not giving to the Lord. Certainly I could have spared an easy 5 minutes (at the very least) to read a passage in His Word and pray sometime in my day, but I didn't. And I wasn't.

So. This morning, before I turned on ANY electronics like my phone, TV, computer, iPod, etc (because once I do that I find it's hard to stop and give time to God) I ate my breakfast contemplating how to do devotions. To be honest I don't even know what to do anymore.

So after a long talk with God (recalling everything I've felt about my relationship with Him in the past few years) I cracked open my "The Daily God Book: A Year of Listening For God" and read the devotion for January 6th. It was about God's faithfulness through the generations. HA. That's something I definitely needed to read. But more importantly, after my reading I continued to talk with God.

After a random list of topics that I prayed about, I eventually ended up on a topic that had nothing to do with today's devotion. I realized that I stopped asking the Lord for opportunities to love people. Because, well, working in retail a year ago, let me just say loving on some people seemed impossible. GEEZ some of those customers can be hard to love. And if you've worked retail you know what I am talking about.

I realized why I stopped asking for those opportunities to love on people. It's because I was hoping to get opportunities to love people that I considered "easy to love". You know, the people who look like they are hurting, and just need a comforting word, or maybe a pat on the back. But heaven forbid I love on someone who has done me wrong. And those were the opportunities God kept on giving me.

God never wants to challenge you with something that's easy. Granted, there will be the times when it is easy to love, because well, those people do need love. But the people who aren't easy to love, they need love just as much. And I'm hoping to succeed at that one of these days. It won't be easy, but if I keep asking God for those opportunities, perhaps I will begin to succeed at loving the impossible.

So my challenge for the day, please feel free to join me :)...

Love on someone today who you don't think deserves it. They need it just as much as the rest of us.